Difference

Difference

when its normal, i'm calibrating my every move. I dont wanna appear loserish or needy or wotever

Her: 'My friends went to sit down, I need to go see my friends'
Me: (not on) 'oh ok, have a good night'
Me: (on) 'so u r gonna leave me all alone (sad face)...no u r not leaving me here. (hold her hands)'...she stays.

i think that's the fundamental difference.
when i get drunk. i say exactly what i want to say without worrying about or going into my head to think if its needy or loserish. I js say it. and become I have to balls to js be genuine/acting thro my own intentions, its ALWAYS on.

I hate opinion openers. and I really LIKE compliments. it makes them happy. it makes me happy.

oh god i love girls.

with Vi, as i was getting her number i saw chris holding her and kissing her. but becoz i was in state, i was unstifled. and she was into it. Chris whispers somethign into her ears. she doesnt even hear him. I'm looking for my new target already. that's the difference.

I love VNRL. I love girls. I love my life. I hate uni. hahaha peace out.

Reflections
*criteria for success
My criteria for success has drastically changed. Thus causing it harder for me to get into state.

It would have blown my mind and put me into state if I had the balls to open with any of the shit that i opened with last night.

Although at times I get discourage and whatever, I think I've come a long way. If I take any of the 10minutes or any of the approaches I did last night, and rewind 2yrs. I think it wld have been the BEST NIGHT of my life.

Key when not in state is to lower that criteria of success to maybe just opening. and think about 2yrs or something. and once I reach it, it'll allow me to go into state. All uphill from there.

Last night, i had a lot of aa initially. i had watched tyler's clip on how to get 30sec makeouts. and i wanted one. i had set the criteria to getting a makeout, i pysched myself out.

*venue change
Remember to do. builds trust massively

*alcohol
its great, but need to get off it.
only drink it after i get into state already

b4, i didnt claw much, i was stifled and i was trying to constantly calibrate.
after, i took what i want.

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I don't know if its the alcohol, the redbull or whatever. but last night I maintained state for a long ass time. I didnt wanna leave the club.

last week, I also hit state, but it lasted maybe 1hr before it started to slowly dwindle. I dun know if it was coz i was physically tired, but i got this feeling like it was 'enough' and i didnt feel like doing it anymore

last night. if it wasnt for your ride home. (thank you for driving me home.) I wld have stayed till it closed and tried to make out wiv every girl there.


Ruminations

When i'm a lil tipsy and my nimbus comes thro

I realise i'm very

1. dominant - the claw is strong and firm. prob js as strong as sonic. i dont let them go
2. sweet talk - i sweet talk so much, which i never do when i'm not. I know i'm getting a fuckload of A when i'm doing that, but problems are 1. i need to do it when i'm sober. 2. now i'm not sure if its all that good, am i sacrificing trust to get A.